If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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