The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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