I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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