party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
