Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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