I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
