i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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