How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
