in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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