If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
