Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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