Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
