What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
