Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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