guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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