So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
