You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
