I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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