he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
