Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
