Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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