Apparently you make a good broom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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