You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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