He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
