You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
