i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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