i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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