guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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