Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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