Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
