As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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