I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
