Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
