do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
