and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
