The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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