Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
