and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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