the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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