we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
