dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
