What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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