.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
