Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
