Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
