Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
home. puking in laundry basket.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
