My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
