What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
