don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
