So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
