I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're a disaster
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