I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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