I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's always time for handjobs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize