let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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