I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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