so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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