I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
