Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
