Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
