Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize