Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
