WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
