It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize