Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drake has all the answers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
