I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
