I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
