I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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